


Strategic Retreat

by taichara



Category: Gundam SEED Astray
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5031418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taichara/pseuds/taichara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you just need to know when -- and why -- to run, "hero" or no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strategic Retreat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kalloway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalloway/gifts).



No one except for the engineering teams should have had access to the mobile suit bays during downtime. They were off-limits to non-specialized personnel, locked down more securely than the captain's cabin.

But rules and restrictions were for ZAFT's rank and file, not one of its most treasured aces; and Goud had every intention to -- just this once, his one and only opportunity -- spit in that restriction's eye.

Just a few score paces ahead lay the doors to the bay he wanted. The gunnysack he carried hung heavy on his shoulder; his palms prickled with sweat. And -- despite the danger of not hearing any tell-tale sign of security or worse approaching -- a chunky headset hung around his neck, music spilling softly into the quiet. 

He didn't dare put the set on, and cut himself off completely, but he could at least do _that_ much.

There was too much risk of slipping under tension. 

The last thing he needed was to lose control now.

_I need to get out of here._

Not so much a conscious thought as instinct and imperative, something that gnawed at him like a rabid animal and kept him awake at 'night', staring helplessly though the dark at the enemies he fancied all around him.

_I need to get out of here, before there's an 'accident' no amount of spin can cover up ..._

A hero, ZAFT's command called him. He was hailed as one of the PLANTs' young saviours, a terror on the battlefield that OMNI's pathetic forces couldn't stand a chance against. But Goud knew what else lay behind that empty honour, 'hero'; he'd seen the uneasiness in his squadmates' eyes every time he came back, that subtle distance that just kept growing. Not because he was called a 'hero', oh no, but because they knew.

They saw him, out on the killing fields, and they knew. He was no hero. 

He was a monster.

The door loomed in front of him so suddenly he nearly walked straight into it, too immersed in the gnawing spiral of his thoughts to pay attention. Giving himself a little shake, he pressed his palm against the scanner, tapped in the security code with trembling fingers.

_[access clear]_

They knew, and they were scared. Some of them -- the ones that saw him lash out against a sluggish replacement GINN and nearly take its cockpit apart with his bare hands -- were more than scared. And the more they get scared, the more the monster enjoyed himself, so Goud had to get moving -- away from war, away from combat that just fed the beast inside -- as fast and as far as he could manage.

Of course there was another reason. He smothered rueful laughter as he drifted across the bay towards the brilliantly-enameled machine tweaked and tuned to his specifications; no, he wasn't just doing this for some selfless, heroic cause --

_I don't want to be someone's pawn. I don't know how they found out, but -- but at least two of the Council know I'm no native. And of course it has to be the worst two._

He'd seen it in their eyes, at that last grand ZAFT gala where he'd been feted and awarded and all the rest of that worthless glitter. Zala and Clyne; both of them had watched him with nearly identical expressions. They hadn't even bothered to hide the sharp speculation, and from that moment Goud knew. He _knew_.

How they found out, that he couldn't guess. He had a tiny suspicion, but -- it didn't matter. Not now. Only getting away mattered.

A lunging leap sent him careening in a mostly-controlled arc through the weightless bay toward his GINN's cockpit. 

_I need to get out of here before one of them decides there's better political spin in letting all my details out in the open._

_I can just picture what kind of scandal that could cause -- 'Decorated ZAFT hero created in OMNI lab! Is Vair an OMNI spy, or worse?' Combine it with the accidents and ..._

Goud shivered again, clinging to the now-yawning cockpit hatch. No. He needed to stop thinking about that -- anxiety fed the beast. He needed to concentrate. The gunnysack got tossed behind the high-backed chair; he made certain his helmet was in reach, and started up the suit's systems.

What were those coordinates again ...?

_That was probably the most useful pointless briefing I ever sat through ..._

Maybe the captain didn't care about an abandoned colony filled with deserters, independents and other drifting bodies. 'Not much interesting there aside from oldtech and idealistic fools', she'd said. 

Well, that was plenty enough for him.

_I got out of Mendel because I didn't want to just be a killing machine like OMNI made me to be, and then the PLANTs did the same damn thing, they just dress it up and call it 'heroism' instead of butchery._

The GINN's cockpit lit up. For a heartbeat the world washed itself in red; then he yanked his head up -- almost crushing the earpads against his skull -- choked down the killing joy, locked it down with desperate strength. Not now. Not _now_. 

_I can be more than this. I know I can. I have to. I have to still hope._

Turn off communication frequencies, set in the automated course in case of ... in case of worst-case scenario. All green. Alright, then --

_If I don't then the monster wins --_

Time.

The airlock flew off its rails altogether under his GINN's onslaught -- and he was free --


End file.
